Networking vs. Relationship-Building: The Difference is Subtle but Significant

By Mark Goldstein

© Robert Kneschke - Fotolia.com

We all like to tell someone “I know a guy” or “I know a lady” who can exceed that person's expectations with price, selection, or service. The reason is simple -- if the person we recommend really comes through, then we are the hero. We recommend people we trust; we trust people we know well. The only way to get to know someone is to actually spend time with them to build a relationship. No one in their right mind would risk burning relationship collateral by referring, much less recommending, someone with whom the extent of the relationship is having their business card.

Today, the buzzword is “networking,” and the idea is to connect with as many people as possible who need and want your product or service or who will introduce you to others who do. This is accomplished by attending face-to-face meetings and using social media such as Facebook and LinkedIn. The problem is that people who attend these meetings, or who regularly use social media, all want to sell -- not be sold. When I speak at these types of meetings I sometimes ask, “How many of you have a product or service to sell?” and almost all of the hands are raised. Then I ask, “How many of you came here today to buy something?” and no hands are raised.

So how can you get the most out of networking? Simple, Don't network. Relationship-build.

Since no one attends networking events to buy, don't try to sell. Rather, attend these types of events with the purpose of wanting to serve. Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything in life that you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.” Use these events as opportunities to identify people with whom you want to meet again to get to know them better and to explore ways you can bring value to them either professionally or personally. Use social media as an opportunity to present helpful tips and become known as a problem-solver. When you meet with people, ask questions and genuinely take an interest in their stories. Remember, people spend tons of money going to counselors with whom they can just talk and who will listen. Just listen to people and you will gain their friendship, confidence and trust.

The bottom line is that few people enjoy making cold calls. Referrals may get you in the door, but recommendations put money in your pocket. Spend your time developing relationships rather than networking and you'll never have to make another cold call.

Mark Goldstein is the president of the Central Florida Christian Chamber of Commerce. E-mail:

mark@cfchristianchamber.com.