Networking vs. Relationship-Building: The Difference is Subtle but Significant

By Mark Goldstein

© Robert Kneschke - Fotolia.com

We all like to tell someone “I know a guy” or “I know a lady” who can exceed that person's expectations with price, selection, or service. The reason is simple -- if the person we recommend really comes through, then we are the hero. We recommend people we trust; we trust people we know well. The only way to get to know someone is to actually spend time with them to build a relationship. No one in their right mind would risk burning relationship collateral by referring, much less recommending, someone with whom the extent of the relationship is having their business card.

Today, the buzzword is “networking,” and the idea is to connect with as many people as possible who need and want your product or service or who will introduce you to others who do. This is accomplished by attending face-to-face meetings and using social media such as Facebook and LinkedIn. The problem is that people who attend these meetings, or who regularly use social media, all want to sell -- not be sold. When I speak at these types of meetings I sometimes ask, “How many of you have a product or service to sell?” and almost all of the hands are raised. Then I ask, “How many of you came here today to buy something?” and no hands are raised.

So how can you get the most out of networking? Simple, Don't network. Relationship-build.

Since no one attends networking events to buy, don't try to sell. Rather, attend these types of events with the purpose of wanting to serve. Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything in life that you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.” Use these events as opportunities to identify people with whom you want to meet again to get to know them better and to explore ways you can bring value to them either professionally or personally. Use social media as an opportunity to present helpful tips and become known as a problem-solver. When you meet with people, ask questions and genuinely take an interest in their stories. Remember, people spend tons of money going to counselors with whom they can just talk and who will listen. Just listen to people and you will gain their friendship, confidence and trust.

The bottom line is that few people enjoy making cold calls. Referrals may get you in the door, but recommendations put money in your pocket. Spend your time developing relationships rather than networking and you'll never have to make another cold call.

Mark Goldstein is the president of the Central Florida Christian Chamber of Commerce. E-mail:

mark@cfchristianchamber.com.

A Biblical profit-sharing plan

We’ve talked about bonuses here before. The subject came to mind again one morning as I read 1 Samuel 30. You may not normally think about the Bible offering advice about profit-sharing plans, but of course it has advice about practically everything.

If you’re not prepared to go read the whole chapter right now, here’s a quick recap:

Photo by Janine Chance

While David was on the outs with Saul, Ziklag was his base of operations. While he was away, the Amalekites raided Ziklag and carried off everyone and everything in it. David went after them with 600 men. By the time they reached the Besor Valley, 200 were so exhausted they couldn’t continue. So they remained there while David went on with the 400. They fought the Amalekites, recovered what was stolen, and took the herds of the Amalekites as plunder. When they returned to the Besor Valley, the 400 did not want to share the plunder with the 200. But David said, “The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike.”

Remember how flummoxed we all were at the stories of investment bankers and CEOs getting outsized bonuses, even when their companies saw losses for the year? That happened because the bonuses weren’t tied to corporate profits, they were tied to individual performance.

The lesson I see in David’s Besor Valley decision is that generosity across the board is to be preferred. That it’s better to give 100 employees each a $100 bonus than to give one top salesperson a $10,000 bonus.

Does your profit-sharing plan or bonus structure reward all employees, or only those who directly generate revenue? Are bonuses based on corporate performance, individual performance, or a combination?

The mismatch between what science knows and what business does

The best way to motivate your employees, especially creative types, may be to not motivate them at all. Rather, our goal as leaders should be to help people discover their own intrinsic motivation.

In the TED talk above and in his book Drive, Dan Pink shares the counterintuitive findings of researchers who discovered that when people are paid to accomplish a task, they are actually less efficient than those who do it for free.

Does this mean "stop paying employees?" No. It does mean consider where your employees find motivation. Are you trying to give it to them? Or are they discovering it within themselves? Only the latter really works.

Pink notes that people derive their motivation from three main areas:

• Autonomy
• Mastery
• Purpose

The key, Pink says, is to inspire intrinsic motivation, which is self-directed. "It is devoted to becoming better and better at something that matters. And it connects that quest for excellence to a larger purpose." Our friend Kevin will appreciate that.

Pink says intrinsic motivation "emerges when people have autonomy over the four T’s: their task, their time, their technique, and their team." That is, what they do, when they do it, how they do it, and with whom. The more latitude you can give in these areas, the happier your workers will be.

Ideally our deepest, best motivation will come not from external rewards, but from the highest source.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.—Colossians 3:23-24

The On-Purpose Person free book giveaway

Those of you who don’t already own a copy of Kevin W. McCarthy’s book The On-Purpose Person: Mark your calendars, because you’ll be able to get a copy for free April 24-28.

The free edition is a Kindle e-book, and if you don’t own a Kindle device, you can download a free Kindle app for your phone, tablet, Mac or PC.

Free + Free = Good Deal

The On-Purpose Person is a business parable that shows how to take what you already know about yourself and use it to discover your purpose and develop your priorities. Kevin also has print copies available.

Kevin W. McCarthy

In conjunction with the giveaway, Kevin will host a free live webcast:

Power of Your Two-Word Purpose Statement
May 1, 2012, 3-3:30 p.m., EDT

In this interactive online event, Kevin will help you discover your purpose and improve your life. A 20-minute talk will be followed by a Q&A session. Advanced registration is required, so sign up now.

Free + Free + Free = Great Deal!

Your “prison” might be God’s “safe house”

A few weeks ago at Fellowship Friday, Mark Goldstein shared an observation that really helped me reconcile myself to my past.

Mark told us he found a spider in his shower, and rather than let the spider get drowned when the shower was turned on, he captured it in a box to release it outside. But the spider, not knowing about the imminent deluge, ran from the box, resisting confinement.

Photo by Victor Iglesias

How often do we resist being put in a box? Mark’s point is that while the spider saw a danger, it actually got protection from a greater threat it had no way of perceiving. In the same way, God may put us in circumstances we resist or rebel against, but in fact he’s trying to preserve us from some greater difficulty beyond our understanding.

The last few years of my journalism career were like that. I felt stifled. My best skills were not being used every day. I felt, as I said to some prayer partners at the time, imprisoned.

God had me in a box. As I look back now, I realize that had I gone through the depth of the recession as a freelancer, I might not have made it. Instead of a prison, the newsroom was a safe house where I was able to earn a living, build relationships, and hone my editing skills.

Consider whether times you felt imprisoned were really times that God was protecting you from some greater disaster. The apostle Paul tells us that in all things God works for good together with those who love him. But God’s idea of what’s good and ours don’t always match. He’s not working to please us. He’s working to save us.

Start at the finish

Lately at Fellowship Fridays, we've been sharing our top tips from our various fields. I noticed a theme emerging, and it's one of those seven habits: begin with the end in mind.

Whether planning an event, designing a marketing campaign, or writing a blog post, you must know two things:

• Who are you trying to reach?
• What's the desired result?

Success in business--or in any other endeavor--requires planning. Planning requires a goal.

What are your goals? Bring them to Fellowship Friday--the schedule is here--and let's see if we can help you achieve them.

Using your business to be a blessing

Last week at Fellowship Friday, Mark Brisson of Fun Spot shared with us the concept of the Boaz Blessing.

Boaz was able to bless Ruth by having his harvesters leave a little extra behind for her to glean. This gesture cost Boaz little. He gave up a bit of inventory and spent a minute or two giving instructions to his employees.

But his effort meant a great deal to Ruth. In the same way, we can look for opportunities in our work to be a blessing to someone else.

When the Spirit leads us to give, even a few moments of our time or a bit of lagniappe can provide abundantly for others.


We have two Fellowship Friday meetings each week: one in the morning and another in the afternoon. Locations change, so there's likely to be one in your area soon. On Feb. 3, we'll be at BankFirst in Oviedo at 7:30 a.m. and Jason's Deli in Altamonte Springs at 1:30 p.m. For other Fellowship Friday dates and times, check the website.

We hope to see you there, and while we pray we can be a blessing to you, we pray even more that we can help you be a blessing to others.