Networking vs. Relationship-Building: The Difference is Subtle but Significant

By Mark Goldstein

© Robert Kneschke - Fotolia.com

We all like to tell someone “I know a guy” or “I know a lady” who can exceed that person's expectations with price, selection, or service. The reason is simple -- if the person we recommend really comes through, then we are the hero. We recommend people we trust; we trust people we know well. The only way to get to know someone is to actually spend time with them to build a relationship. No one in their right mind would risk burning relationship collateral by referring, much less recommending, someone with whom the extent of the relationship is having their business card.

Today, the buzzword is “networking,” and the idea is to connect with as many people as possible who need and want your product or service or who will introduce you to others who do. This is accomplished by attending face-to-face meetings and using social media such as Facebook and LinkedIn. The problem is that people who attend these meetings, or who regularly use social media, all want to sell -- not be sold. When I speak at these types of meetings I sometimes ask, “How many of you have a product or service to sell?” and almost all of the hands are raised. Then I ask, “How many of you came here today to buy something?” and no hands are raised.

So how can you get the most out of networking? Simple, Don't network. Relationship-build.

Since no one attends networking events to buy, don't try to sell. Rather, attend these types of events with the purpose of wanting to serve. Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything in life that you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.” Use these events as opportunities to identify people with whom you want to meet again to get to know them better and to explore ways you can bring value to them either professionally or personally. Use social media as an opportunity to present helpful tips and become known as a problem-solver. When you meet with people, ask questions and genuinely take an interest in their stories. Remember, people spend tons of money going to counselors with whom they can just talk and who will listen. Just listen to people and you will gain their friendship, confidence and trust.

The bottom line is that few people enjoy making cold calls. Referrals may get you in the door, but recommendations put money in your pocket. Spend your time developing relationships rather than networking and you'll never have to make another cold call.

Mark Goldstein is the president of the Central Florida Christian Chamber of Commerce. E-mail:

mark@cfchristianchamber.com.

A Biblical profit-sharing plan

We’ve talked about bonuses here before. The subject came to mind again one morning as I read 1 Samuel 30. You may not normally think about the Bible offering advice about profit-sharing plans, but of course it has advice about practically everything.

If you’re not prepared to go read the whole chapter right now, here’s a quick recap:

Photo by Janine Chance

While David was on the outs with Saul, Ziklag was his base of operations. While he was away, the Amalekites raided Ziklag and carried off everyone and everything in it. David went after them with 600 men. By the time they reached the Besor Valley, 200 were so exhausted they couldn’t continue. So they remained there while David went on with the 400. They fought the Amalekites, recovered what was stolen, and took the herds of the Amalekites as plunder. When they returned to the Besor Valley, the 400 did not want to share the plunder with the 200. But David said, “The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike.”

Remember how flummoxed we all were at the stories of investment bankers and CEOs getting outsized bonuses, even when their companies saw losses for the year? That happened because the bonuses weren’t tied to corporate profits, they were tied to individual performance.

The lesson I see in David’s Besor Valley decision is that generosity across the board is to be preferred. That it’s better to give 100 employees each a $100 bonus than to give one top salesperson a $10,000 bonus.

Does your profit-sharing plan or bonus structure reward all employees, or only those who directly generate revenue? Are bonuses based on corporate performance, individual performance, or a combination?

The mismatch between what science knows and what business does

The best way to motivate your employees, especially creative types, may be to not motivate them at all. Rather, our goal as leaders should be to help people discover their own intrinsic motivation.

In the TED talk above and in his book Drive, Dan Pink shares the counterintuitive findings of researchers who discovered that when people are paid to accomplish a task, they are actually less efficient than those who do it for free.

Does this mean "stop paying employees?" No. It does mean consider where your employees find motivation. Are you trying to give it to them? Or are they discovering it within themselves? Only the latter really works.

Pink notes that people derive their motivation from three main areas:

• Autonomy
• Mastery
• Purpose

The key, Pink says, is to inspire intrinsic motivation, which is self-directed. "It is devoted to becoming better and better at something that matters. And it connects that quest for excellence to a larger purpose." Our friend Kevin will appreciate that.

Pink says intrinsic motivation "emerges when people have autonomy over the four T’s: their task, their time, their technique, and their team." That is, what they do, when they do it, how they do it, and with whom. The more latitude you can give in these areas, the happier your workers will be.

Ideally our deepest, best motivation will come not from external rewards, but from the highest source.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.—Colossians 3:23-24

The On-Purpose Person free book giveaway

Those of you who don’t already own a copy of Kevin W. McCarthy’s book The On-Purpose Person: Mark your calendars, because you’ll be able to get a copy for free April 24-28.

The free edition is a Kindle e-book, and if you don’t own a Kindle device, you can download a free Kindle app for your phone, tablet, Mac or PC.

Free + Free = Good Deal

The On-Purpose Person is a business parable that shows how to take what you already know about yourself and use it to discover your purpose and develop your priorities. Kevin also has print copies available.

Kevin W. McCarthy

In conjunction with the giveaway, Kevin will host a free live webcast:

Power of Your Two-Word Purpose Statement
May 1, 2012, 3-3:30 p.m., EDT

In this interactive online event, Kevin will help you discover your purpose and improve your life. A 20-minute talk will be followed by a Q&A session. Advanced registration is required, so sign up now.

Free + Free + Free = Great Deal!

Your “prison” might be God’s “safe house”

A few weeks ago at Fellowship Friday, Mark Goldstein shared an observation that really helped me reconcile myself to my past.

Mark told us he found a spider in his shower, and rather than let the spider get drowned when the shower was turned on, he captured it in a box to release it outside. But the spider, not knowing about the imminent deluge, ran from the box, resisting confinement.

Photo by Victor Iglesias

How often do we resist being put in a box? Mark’s point is that while the spider saw a danger, it actually got protection from a greater threat it had no way of perceiving. In the same way, God may put us in circumstances we resist or rebel against, but in fact he’s trying to preserve us from some greater difficulty beyond our understanding.

The last few years of my journalism career were like that. I felt stifled. My best skills were not being used every day. I felt, as I said to some prayer partners at the time, imprisoned.

God had me in a box. As I look back now, I realize that had I gone through the depth of the recession as a freelancer, I might not have made it. Instead of a prison, the newsroom was a safe house where I was able to earn a living, build relationships, and hone my editing skills.

Consider whether times you felt imprisoned were really times that God was protecting you from some greater disaster. The apostle Paul tells us that in all things God works for good together with those who love him. But God’s idea of what’s good and ours don’t always match. He’s not working to please us. He’s working to save us.

Start at the finish

Lately at Fellowship Fridays, we've been sharing our top tips from our various fields. I noticed a theme emerging, and it's one of those seven habits: begin with the end in mind.

Whether planning an event, designing a marketing campaign, or writing a blog post, you must know two things:

• Who are you trying to reach?
• What's the desired result?

Success in business--or in any other endeavor--requires planning. Planning requires a goal.

What are your goals? Bring them to Fellowship Friday--the schedule is here--and let's see if we can help you achieve them.

Using your business to be a blessing

Last week at Fellowship Friday, Mark Brisson of Fun Spot shared with us the concept of the Boaz Blessing.

Boaz was able to bless Ruth by having his harvesters leave a little extra behind for her to glean. This gesture cost Boaz little. He gave up a bit of inventory and spent a minute or two giving instructions to his employees.

But his effort meant a great deal to Ruth. In the same way, we can look for opportunities in our work to be a blessing to someone else.

When the Spirit leads us to give, even a few moments of our time or a bit of lagniappe can provide abundantly for others.


We have two Fellowship Friday meetings each week: one in the morning and another in the afternoon. Locations change, so there's likely to be one in your area soon. On Feb. 3, we'll be at BankFirst in Oviedo at 7:30 a.m. and Jason's Deli in Altamonte Springs at 1:30 p.m. For other Fellowship Friday dates and times, check the website.

We hope to see you there, and while we pray we can be a blessing to you, we pray even more that we can help you be a blessing to others.

Examining our profit motive

We sometimes maintain a medieval, monkish idea that wealth ought not be part of our Christian mindset. That money is worldly and therefore beneath our consideration.

Nonsense.

It is not money, but the love of money that is the root of evil. We must consider money carefully if we are to be good stewards of it.

What we must not do is fool ourselves into thinking money will solve our problems or meet our needs. God solves problems and meets needs. Sometimes he uses money to do so. Other times he does it by providing smarts, stamina, or people to help us.

Here's a popular passage from stewardship season: 1 Timothy 6:17-19.

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

We are not asked to forgo wealth. We are not told to avoid profit-making. But we are warned against putting our hope in wealth and profit. We are told to be generous with what has been given us. And to know that what we have is given "for our enjoyment."

As we embark on this new year, we encourage you to enjoy what you have been given, and we pray the chamber can be God's instrument in connecting you to the resources your business needs to succeed. May your new year be happy...and prosperous.

Mark and Brodie's Christmas Message

Have a Blessed and Merry Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous New Year. We look forward to serving you in 2012 as we continue to build business, build community and build the Kingdom!

12 trends to watch in the coming year

Photo by Frank Hermers • sxc.hu

The website trendwatching.com released its free year-end Trend Briefing. The company’s head of research and analysis, Henry Mason, said, “Even with the backdrop of nations defaulting, we see more opportunities than ever for creative brands and entrepreneurs to deliver on changing consumer needs.”

Here’s a summary of the 12 trends. You can find the full report at trendwatching’s website.

1. Red Carpet
Many firms, including Hilton, Starwood and Harrods are providing tailored services for Chinese visitors. Travel from China is up 20 percent from 2010, and The World Tourism Organization estimates the total number of outbound tourists from China will reach 100 million by 2020.

2. DIY Health
Consumers are taking advantage of technology to track and manage their personal health. Apple’s App Store already offers 9,000 health apps.

3. Dealer-Chic
Deals are now about more than saving money: it’s the pursuit, the status, and the perceived smartness. Consumers are looking for more personalization and more loyalty schemes, and are putting more pressure on brands to deliver brilliance.

4. Eco-Cycology
Companies are increasingly taking back their products for recycling, and do so responsibly and innovatively. Nike, for example, recycles rubber from its shoes into artificial track surfaces.

5. Cash-Less
Coins and notes won’t disappear completely, but cashless payment systems have gone mainstream, with MasterCard and Google working on a system of payments, rewards and offers around mobile technologies.

6. Bottom of the Urban Pyramid
The majority of consumerism is urban, yet in much of the world city life is chaotic, cramped and none too pleasant. Low-income urbanites look for innovation tailored to their unique circumstances, from health issues to lack of space to the need for durability. Opportunities for brands catering to such needs are unprecedented.

7. Idle Sourcing
Making it simple for consumers to contribute will be more popular than ever in 2012. Smarter mobile device sensors will let consumers broadcast information about where and what they are doing, to help improve products and services. For example, Boston now has an app that uses smartphones’ accelerometers and GPS to detect potholes.

8. Flawsome
Consumers think brands that behave more humanly, including exposing their flaws, are awesome. Brands that are honest about their flaws, that show some empathy, generosity, and humor will win over consumers. Domino’s, for example, mounted a news scroll in Times Square showing both compliments and complaints from its customers.

9. Screen Culture
The proliferation of touchscreen devices is bringing about a culture that is not only more pervasive, but more personal and immersive than ever. Companies taking advantage of this trend range from those who make screen-friendly winter gloves to a restaurant chain that installed teleconferencing capabilities.

10. Recommerce
It’s never been easier for savvy consumers to resell or trade in past purchases, unlocking the value in their current possessions. Car dealers aren’t the only ones who can take an old product and offer credit toward a new one.

12. Point & Know
Consumers are used to being able to find out just about anything that’s online or text-based, but 2012 will see instant visual information gratification brought into the real and visual world with objects and even people. Some of these technologies, like face recognition software, are already in the market.

11. Emerging Maturialism
Yes, we’re out of order here, because this one … at the risk of editorializing, it’s hard to address to Christian businesspeople. The folks at trendwatching tell us that, “While cultural differences continue to shape consumer desires, middle-class and/or younger consumers in almost every market embrace brands that push boundaries.” If you read the trendwatching report, you’ll find some of those boundaries might have been better left alone. This idea will be harder for Christian businesses to adopt. But we’d love to hear your ideas about it.

View all 12 full trend descriptions, including examples of brands from around the world already implementing them, at www.trendwatching.com/briefing.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving

A business lesson from Steve Jobs

By Kristen Stieffel

The last lesson Steve Jobs had to teach us wasn’t about technology, or industrial design, or following your heart and intuition. His final lesson was about plain boring old succession planning.

Steve Jobs. Photo by Matthew Yohe

Many businesses fail after the death of their founders simply because not enough thought was given to that big, ugly “what if?” Steve and his colleagues at least had the advantage of not being taken by surprise.

At my company, we were not so lucky.

As hard as it must have been for Tim Cook to write that Oct. 5 memo, how much harder was it for Whit Shaw, now the head of American City Business Journals, to write a similar memo one Monday morning two years ago, informing his employees of the weekend death of founder and chairman Ray Shaw.

His father.

Ray died suddenly, unexpectedly, almost stupidly — of complications from a bee sting.

We all felt great sadness at Ray’s loss, even though most of us had never met him. And uncertainty about the future goes without saying. But there was no fear, despite the abruptness of the change, because we trusted in the succession plan. We trusted Whit and the other leaders to be wise. And they have been.

Apple shareholders must now trust that Tim Cook and Jonathan Ive and the company's other leaders will be wise.

As a business leader, do you know whether, if anything were to happen to you, the leaders you leave behind would lead wisely?

It is vital for any businessperson with more than a few employees to have a succession plan. If you’re a one-person operation -- a freelancer or consultant -- then you are the business. But if the business can and should survive you, plan for that. It won’t happen by accident.

Steve’s succession plan was in place because he’d been dealing with cancers since 2004. But even though Ray’s death was an unpredictable fluke, the company leadership was nevertheless able to move forward because a plan was already in place.

Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding, yes. But also use the brains He gave you. To be good stewards of our businesses, we must consider those big, ugly “what ifs.”

Because someday, whether through retirement or illness or death, you will no longer be there to lead your company. You, or someone else, will write a memo to inform your employees.

What will happen after that?

5 keys insights for working with digital natives

By Michelle Manafy

Neustockimages — iStockphoto

Between all generations lie gaps. Yet today many individuals and businesses face a massive one. The digital native generation -- those who grew up immersed in technologies such as computers, mobile devices, and social networks -- are becoming our dominant employee and consumer base. That means digital immigrants -- those of us who didn’t grow up plugged in -- must navigate an altered landscape to successfully work with them. These insights will help you understand how to leverage the digital native worldview to achieve your business objectives:

1. They live publicly online.

Businesses must address the expectations of those raised in social networking environments, in which they routinely share activities and opinions with a potentially limitless group of friends.

Tip: Capitalize on digital natives’ openness. Understand their inclination to live publicly, and guide those activities so they are consistent with business objectives. Structure employee activities and customer interactions to put this openness to good use.

2. They share knowledge.

Despite much hyperbole about social media and marketing, many organizations limit or ban the use of social networks on the job. This shows a fear of exposure and a lack of understanding of how to channel this generation’s knowledge-sharing inclination.

Tip: Craft guidelines for appropriate use of social networks. Social media and collaborative ways of working can help companies capture otherwise transient knowledge. The old adage was “knowledge is power.” For digital natives, “knowledge shared is power.”

3. They believe transparency yields trust.

Because digital natives live publicly and value knowledge sharing, organizations that demonstrate transparency will attract and retain them as employees and customers. Digital natives make new friends, followers, and fans every day. Remember that it takes a lot of work to maintain a genuine relationship. If digital natives dislike your brand, they will make it publicly known. Luckily, the reverse is also true. Ultra-connected consumers look for organizations that listen, respond, own up to mistakes and maintain authentic relationships.

Tip: To attract and retain this generation as employees, recognize that the best of them monitor opportunities and discuss employers online. For recruiting, this can provide insights into who are the best, brightest, and most social-media savvy. For retention, employers can leverage these same tools to ensure they are competitive in the market.

4. They are timely, not time-managed.

While most people are painfully aware that the line between "at work" and "off duty" is increasingly blurred, digital natives will move beyond work-life balance to a new sort of work-life integration. Work and social activities are with them anywhere, anytime. Digital natives may log more hours at their computers during the course of a day than those in previous generations, but switch back and forth between work and leisure in short bursts. Though this may strike some managers as inappropriate, it helps to realize that while an older worker might head to the break room or a co-worker's desk to clear their head, natives are more likely to catch up on a quick burst of Facebook updates.

Tip: Companies that emphasize collaboration, learning, and socialization will see benefits in comparison to those that focus solely on productivity. Work can be constructively influenced by the expectations of younger workers.

5. They believe in interactions, not transactions.

With all this socializing, one might begin to wonder how any business gets done. But it does. Organizations that develop good social skills will have a competitive advantage over those that don’t. One essential quality is recognizing that this generation is not interested in transactions -- exchanges of money for goods and services. This generation is interested in interactions.

Tip: Unlike a transaction-based system, an interactive one is based upon social currency. Businesses will need to embrace interaction, from marketing to product development and content creation. This generation wants to do business with companies it views as friends and expects to see its ideals and objectives reflected in the companies it chooses to do business with.

While many digital immigrants whole-heartedly adopt digital tools, it is not simply emerging technologies that must be mastered. Lifelong immersion affects the mindset, behavior, and expectations of digital natives. To succeed in business with them, we must understand and build models based on this native culture.

            

Michelle Manafy is director of content for FreePint Ltd. and co-author of Dancing With Digital Natives: Staying in Step With the Generation That’s Transforming the Way Business Is Done.

Do you have expert advice to share? E-mail Kristen.

A Labor Day Prayer

Father, thank you for blessing us with talents, abilities, spiritual gifts, passions and drive so that all of our efforts may bring glory and honor to You. We thank you for those who have maintained employment through these tough economic times. We pray that You give us the privilege to reflect Your character to our employees, employers, co-workers, clients and customers.

For those who have lost their jobs and are seeking employment, Father please give them the peace that passes all understanding. We ask that You meet the needs of their families and encourage them to seek to open doors of opportunity.

For all of us Father, may we never see our worth and identity in the jobs or careers that we have, or don't have, but in Your sacrifice and love for us. Finally Father, we pray that You continue to use our chamber to be a catalyst for encouragement and commerce as we desire to reflect You as we build business, build community and build the Kingdom. Amen.

Tips for Launching a Startup

By Cynthia Kocialski

gunnar3000—Fotolia.com

I love startups and all the wonderful gadgets they make. The problem is, most of these wonderful things never make it because the entrepreneur is in love with the technology and lacks an understanding of the business. It’s one thing to develop a product that does something cool, but entrepreneurs need to ask whether it actually solves a problem. Ultimately, the business determines the ultimate success or failure of the product.

Here are some tips for anyone considering launching or financing a startup:

It’s Not About the Product

The product may be the heart of the company, but the product no more makes a company than a heart makes a human being. There are many components to a company that all have to work together harmoniously to succeed.

Have the Courage to Discover

The early-stage startup process is one of discovery, not step-by-step execution. Many first-time entrepreneurs believe you come up with a great product idea, then a detailed business plan, and finally hire people to execute the plan. Discovery is the starting point from which the product and business will evolve, iterate, and be refined as the concept meets the customers, the market, and the investors.

Retool and Revise

The first idea is never the final product. The worst work you will ever do is the first work you do. Press forward past the first iteration, and make use of the lessons you learn along the way.

Build Your Team

You need a team, but not just any team. You need the right team for that stage of a company's life. You wouldn't hire a college professor to teach kindergarten. For that, you need early elementary teachers. Startups also need to find the right people for the right jobs. Those people need to have the right attitude and need to be at a stage of their careers that makes them a match for a startup.

Think Like an Investor

Investing in a startup is risky. If investors wanted a moderate return, they'd invest in public companies like IBM and Coca-Cola. What entrepreneurs don't get is that, to an investor, the company is the product. Entrepreneurs need to understand the investor's perspective. Entrepreneurs create end products, but they also need to create the company. Investors buy companies, not products. For an investor, the best-case scenario is a tested, proven business with a market poised to grow rapidly.

The spirit of American business is embodied in the startup. Innovation and guts are the foundation of the startup, and those qualities also happen to be characteristic of the most successful mega-firms. Let those qualities form the dynamic of your startup. and you’ll be off to a good start.

Cynthia Kocialski has founded three high-tech companies and now is a consultant for startups. She is the author of Startup from the Ground Up.

C12's 2011 Leaders Conference back in Central Florida

Kzenon — Fotolia.com

C12 launched here in Central Florida in 1992. Now, after hosting its national conference in cities across the U.S., the 2011 Leaders Conference: Standing in the Gap will be held here, at the Gaylord Palms Resort & Convention Center in Kissimmee Oct. 27-29.

This event is a time of targeted, practical equipping for both superior business performance and workplace ministry. Attendees will also experience rich fellowship with like-minded peers from across America and from abroad.

The conference kicks off Thursday with a keynote dinner featuring Kris Den Besten, an Orlando Christian CEO and author of SHINE: Five Empowering Principles for a Rewarding Life.

Friday features a full day of conference and breakout sessions, wrapping up with a fellowship dinner.

The conference concludes Saturday morning with a plenary session, followed by the C12 Open golf scramble at Celebration Golf Club from 1-6 p.m.

Special room rates of $129 are available. Early registration discounts expire Sept 15. Details are on the C12 website.

The C12 Group of Central Florida is a personal advisory board of Christian business owners and CEOs, all committed to your personal, business and eternal success.

Kris Den Besten to speak at next Chamber luncheon

Kris Den Besten

Kris Den Besten, president & CEO of Vermeer Southeast and author of the book SHINE, will be our keynote speaker at the Sept. 8 Business-Building Lunch. At our November 2009 lunch, Kris shared how God brought him, his family and his company through some very dark times; now Kris returns to tell the rest of the story!

SHINE is not simply a how-to formula to make you employee of the month or salesperson of the quarter -- although that could happen. Rather, it is a Bible-based, Christ-centered approach for transforming your attitude about work: from that of making a living to that of making an eternal difference.

Join us Sept. 8, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., in Faith Hall at First Baptist Orlando. The doors open at 11 a.m. if you want to get in some extra chat time. Cost: $25 for chamber members and first-timers, and $40 for nonmembers. Registration deadline is noon on Sept. 6. Register online, or call the office at (407) 814-1124. Table sponsorships are available to members only; a table for eight people is $200. Sponsorships are sold only by phone.

Here's a sample of the wisdom in Den Besten's book:

Credible workers get things done. They do not make excuses but always come through by meeting or exceeding expectations. They are prompt, they meet deadlines, and they can be counted on at all times. They do not take shortcuts or skimp on quality. They do not grumble and complain. Rather, they display an eagerness to model Christ with positive words and actions.

Please join us for what is sure to be an inspiring session.

Blessed Are The Peacemakers

endostock — Fotolia.com

Ken Sande, president of Peacemaker Ministries, will give the keynote at the Aug. 11 Business-Building Lunch. Too often we hear about Christian brothers and sisters using the judicial system to solve disagreements. Mind you, that’s not a new problem. Paul wrote to the church in Corinth about it. You would think we’d have learned by now…

Sande is passionate about bringing the life-changing power of the gospel and God's peacemaking principles into the lives of Christians and their churches to solve this ancient problem. Over the years, he has ministered to parties in hundreds of conflicts ranging from simple personal disputes to complex church and legal conflicts.

Ken Sande

Sande is a consultant to churches and Christian leaders and has written numerous resources about conflict resolution. He has co-authored two books: Peacemaking for Families and The Peacemaker Student Edition for teens.

Come hear Sande speak about solving conflict Biblically Aug. 11, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., in Faith Hall at First Baptist Orlando. You can register online.

Preventing Everyday Conflicts

Conflict seems to be everywhere: in our homes, our workplaces, and especially lately, in our government. But it doesn’t have to be a part of your daily life, according to Tim Scudder. His firm helps companies and executives handle workplace conflict.

Dan Tero — iStockphoto

He says conflict anywhere can be an opportunity to resolve long-standing issues and can help us lead more productive lives. It’s not just about resolution. It is also, he says, about learning to have nicer conflicts.

Scudder is CEO of Personal Strengths USA and co-author of Have a Nice Conflict: A Story of Finding Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places. “As one set of conflicts is resolved,” he says, “others will take their place, so it’s important to learn how to make conflicts productive and positive, instead of allowing them to distract us from our goals.”

Scudder shares five keys to conflict:

Anticipate. Know who you’re dealing with. Consider how differently others might view the same situation. When people see things differently, there is potential conflict. Keeping that in mind can give you a good shot at steering clear of it.

Prevent. Use deliberate, appropriate behaviors in your relationships. A well-chosen behavior on your part can prevent conflict with another person. But sometimes, you also need to prevent conflict in yourself. That might have more to do with choosing your perceptions than choosing your behaviors.

Identify. There are three basic approaches to conflict: rising to the challenge, cautiously withdrawing, or wanting to keep the peace. When you can identify these approaches in yourself or others, you are empowered to handle the situation more productively.

Manage. This has two components: managing yourself and managing the relationship. Create conditions that empower people to manage themselves out of the emotional state of conflict. It’s also about managing yourself out, which can be as easy as taking time to see things differently.

Resolve. To reach resolution, we must show others a path back to feeling good about themselves. When they do, they are less likely to feel threatened and are free to move toward compromise and resolution.

“Unresolved or poorly managed conflict costs companies in ways they can’t even calculate,” he adds. For example, recent research shows the top reason people leave jobs is poor relationships with supervisors. “Lost institutional memory, low productivity, bad morale, high turnover all cost real dollars.” But well-managed conflict can not only prevent those losses -- it can also promote higher productivity and a stronger bottom line.

Maybe Scudder should visit Washington, D.C.


Tim Scudder is a CPA and president of Personal Strengths Publishing Inc. Since 1995, he has focused on helping clients improve relationships.

For more about resolving conflict, join us at the August luncheon,
where Ken Sande will talk about peacemaking.

Do you have expert advice to share? E-mail Kristen.

Helping people find their purpose

If you heard Kevin McCarthy speak at the chamber luncheon last September, you know his mission is to help others be on-purpose.* Many of us have been through the On-Purpose Leader Experience, a transformative seminar that helps people focus on their purpose, vision, and mission.

Kevin is looking to broaden the On-Purpose reach with a small group study, and has applied for a grant from Intuit, maker of Quicken and Quickbooks software. To get the grant, Kevin's company,  On-Purpose Partners, needs votes:  http://bit.ly/khwhji.

If On-Purpose Partners wins the grant, it will fund completion of the small group materials for his book The On-Purpose Person. This would be a great resource, so I encourage you to support the endeavor.

* If you didn't hear Kevin speak at the chamber, here's a link to a replay.