Preventing Everyday Conflicts

Conflict seems to be everywhere: in our homes, our workplaces, and especially lately, in our government. But it doesn’t have to be a part of your daily life, according to Tim Scudder. His firm helps companies and executives handle workplace conflict.

Dan Tero — iStockphoto

He says conflict anywhere can be an opportunity to resolve long-standing issues and can help us lead more productive lives. It’s not just about resolution. It is also, he says, about learning to have nicer conflicts.

Scudder is CEO of Personal Strengths USA and co-author of Have a Nice Conflict: A Story of Finding Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places. “As one set of conflicts is resolved,” he says, “others will take their place, so it’s important to learn how to make conflicts productive and positive, instead of allowing them to distract us from our goals.”

Scudder shares five keys to conflict:

Anticipate. Know who you’re dealing with. Consider how differently others might view the same situation. When people see things differently, there is potential conflict. Keeping that in mind can give you a good shot at steering clear of it.

Prevent. Use deliberate, appropriate behaviors in your relationships. A well-chosen behavior on your part can prevent conflict with another person. But sometimes, you also need to prevent conflict in yourself. That might have more to do with choosing your perceptions than choosing your behaviors.

Identify. There are three basic approaches to conflict: rising to the challenge, cautiously withdrawing, or wanting to keep the peace. When you can identify these approaches in yourself or others, you are empowered to handle the situation more productively.

Manage. This has two components: managing yourself and managing the relationship. Create conditions that empower people to manage themselves out of the emotional state of conflict. It’s also about managing yourself out, which can be as easy as taking time to see things differently.

Resolve. To reach resolution, we must show others a path back to feeling good about themselves. When they do, they are less likely to feel threatened and are free to move toward compromise and resolution.

“Unresolved or poorly managed conflict costs companies in ways they can’t even calculate,” he adds. For example, recent research shows the top reason people leave jobs is poor relationships with supervisors. “Lost institutional memory, low productivity, bad morale, high turnover all cost real dollars.” But well-managed conflict can not only prevent those losses -- it can also promote higher productivity and a stronger bottom line.

Maybe Scudder should visit Washington, D.C.


Tim Scudder is a CPA and president of Personal Strengths Publishing Inc. Since 1995, he has focused on helping clients improve relationships.

For more about resolving conflict, join us at the August luncheon,
where Ken Sande will talk about peacemaking.

Do you have expert advice to share? E-mail Kristen.