Networking vs. Relationship-Building: The Difference is Subtle but Significant

By Mark Goldstein

© Robert Kneschke - Fotolia.com

We all like to tell someone “I know a guy” or “I know a lady” who can exceed that person's expectations with price, selection, or service. The reason is simple -- if the person we recommend really comes through, then we are the hero. We recommend people we trust; we trust people we know well. The only way to get to know someone is to actually spend time with them to build a relationship. No one in their right mind would risk burning relationship collateral by referring, much less recommending, someone with whom the extent of the relationship is having their business card.

Today, the buzzword is “networking,” and the idea is to connect with as many people as possible who need and want your product or service or who will introduce you to others who do. This is accomplished by attending face-to-face meetings and using social media such as Facebook and LinkedIn. The problem is that people who attend these meetings, or who regularly use social media, all want to sell -- not be sold. When I speak at these types of meetings I sometimes ask, “How many of you have a product or service to sell?” and almost all of the hands are raised. Then I ask, “How many of you came here today to buy something?” and no hands are raised.

So how can you get the most out of networking? Simple, Don't network. Relationship-build.

Since no one attends networking events to buy, don't try to sell. Rather, attend these types of events with the purpose of wanting to serve. Zig Ziglar says, “You can have everything in life that you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.” Use these events as opportunities to identify people with whom you want to meet again to get to know them better and to explore ways you can bring value to them either professionally or personally. Use social media as an opportunity to present helpful tips and become known as a problem-solver. When you meet with people, ask questions and genuinely take an interest in their stories. Remember, people spend tons of money going to counselors with whom they can just talk and who will listen. Just listen to people and you will gain their friendship, confidence and trust.

The bottom line is that few people enjoy making cold calls. Referrals may get you in the door, but recommendations put money in your pocket. Spend your time developing relationships rather than networking and you'll never have to make another cold call.

Mark Goldstein is the president of the Central Florida Christian Chamber of Commerce. E-mail:

mark@cfchristianchamber.com.

Using your business to be a blessing

Last week at Fellowship Friday, Mark Brisson of Fun Spot shared with us the concept of the Boaz Blessing.

Boaz was able to bless Ruth by having his harvesters leave a little extra behind for her to glean. This gesture cost Boaz little. He gave up a bit of inventory and spent a minute or two giving instructions to his employees.

But his effort meant a great deal to Ruth. In the same way, we can look for opportunities in our work to be a blessing to someone else.

When the Spirit leads us to give, even a few moments of our time or a bit of lagniappe can provide abundantly for others.


We have two Fellowship Friday meetings each week: one in the morning and another in the afternoon. Locations change, so there's likely to be one in your area soon. On Feb. 3, we'll be at BankFirst in Oviedo at 7:30 a.m. and Jason's Deli in Altamonte Springs at 1:30 p.m. For other Fellowship Friday dates and times, check the website.

We hope to see you there, and while we pray we can be a blessing to you, we pray even more that we can help you be a blessing to others.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving

C12's 2011 Leaders Conference back in Central Florida

Kzenon — Fotolia.com

C12 launched here in Central Florida in 1992. Now, after hosting its national conference in cities across the U.S., the 2011 Leaders Conference: Standing in the Gap will be held here, at the Gaylord Palms Resort & Convention Center in Kissimmee Oct. 27-29.

This event is a time of targeted, practical equipping for both superior business performance and workplace ministry. Attendees will also experience rich fellowship with like-minded peers from across America and from abroad.

The conference kicks off Thursday with a keynote dinner featuring Kris Den Besten, an Orlando Christian CEO and author of SHINE: Five Empowering Principles for a Rewarding Life.

Friday features a full day of conference and breakout sessions, wrapping up with a fellowship dinner.

The conference concludes Saturday morning with a plenary session, followed by the C12 Open golf scramble at Celebration Golf Club from 1-6 p.m.

Special room rates of $129 are available. Early registration discounts expire Sept 15. Details are on the C12 website.

The C12 Group of Central Florida is a personal advisory board of Christian business owners and CEOs, all committed to your personal, business and eternal success.

Kris Den Besten to speak at next Chamber luncheon

Kris Den Besten

Kris Den Besten, president & CEO of Vermeer Southeast and author of the book SHINE, will be our keynote speaker at the Sept. 8 Business-Building Lunch. At our November 2009 lunch, Kris shared how God brought him, his family and his company through some very dark times; now Kris returns to tell the rest of the story!

SHINE is not simply a how-to formula to make you employee of the month or salesperson of the quarter -- although that could happen. Rather, it is a Bible-based, Christ-centered approach for transforming your attitude about work: from that of making a living to that of making an eternal difference.

Join us Sept. 8, 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m., in Faith Hall at First Baptist Orlando. The doors open at 11 a.m. if you want to get in some extra chat time. Cost: $25 for chamber members and first-timers, and $40 for nonmembers. Registration deadline is noon on Sept. 6. Register online, or call the office at (407) 814-1124. Table sponsorships are available to members only; a table for eight people is $200. Sponsorships are sold only by phone.

Here's a sample of the wisdom in Den Besten's book:

Credible workers get things done. They do not make excuses but always come through by meeting or exceeding expectations. They are prompt, they meet deadlines, and they can be counted on at all times. They do not take shortcuts or skimp on quality. They do not grumble and complain. Rather, they display an eagerness to model Christ with positive words and actions.

Please join us for what is sure to be an inspiring session.

Preventing Everyday Conflicts

Conflict seems to be everywhere: in our homes, our workplaces, and especially lately, in our government. But it doesn’t have to be a part of your daily life, according to Tim Scudder. His firm helps companies and executives handle workplace conflict.

Dan Tero — iStockphoto

He says conflict anywhere can be an opportunity to resolve long-standing issues and can help us lead more productive lives. It’s not just about resolution. It is also, he says, about learning to have nicer conflicts.

Scudder is CEO of Personal Strengths USA and co-author of Have a Nice Conflict: A Story of Finding Success and Satisfaction in the Most Unlikely Places. “As one set of conflicts is resolved,” he says, “others will take their place, so it’s important to learn how to make conflicts productive and positive, instead of allowing them to distract us from our goals.”

Scudder shares five keys to conflict:

Anticipate. Know who you’re dealing with. Consider how differently others might view the same situation. When people see things differently, there is potential conflict. Keeping that in mind can give you a good shot at steering clear of it.

Prevent. Use deliberate, appropriate behaviors in your relationships. A well-chosen behavior on your part can prevent conflict with another person. But sometimes, you also need to prevent conflict in yourself. That might have more to do with choosing your perceptions than choosing your behaviors.

Identify. There are three basic approaches to conflict: rising to the challenge, cautiously withdrawing, or wanting to keep the peace. When you can identify these approaches in yourself or others, you are empowered to handle the situation more productively.

Manage. This has two components: managing yourself and managing the relationship. Create conditions that empower people to manage themselves out of the emotional state of conflict. It’s also about managing yourself out, which can be as easy as taking time to see things differently.

Resolve. To reach resolution, we must show others a path back to feeling good about themselves. When they do, they are less likely to feel threatened and are free to move toward compromise and resolution.

“Unresolved or poorly managed conflict costs companies in ways they can’t even calculate,” he adds. For example, recent research shows the top reason people leave jobs is poor relationships with supervisors. “Lost institutional memory, low productivity, bad morale, high turnover all cost real dollars.” But well-managed conflict can not only prevent those losses -- it can also promote higher productivity and a stronger bottom line.

Maybe Scudder should visit Washington, D.C.


Tim Scudder is a CPA and president of Personal Strengths Publishing Inc. Since 1995, he has focused on helping clients improve relationships.

For more about resolving conflict, join us at the August luncheon,
where Ken Sande will talk about peacemaking.

Do you have expert advice to share? E-mail Kristen.

Listening to Your Customers

By George F. Brown Jr.

Successful business strategies build upon shared successes. When your strategy creates value for your customers, your firm also gains value.

Photo by Carl Dwyer | sxc.hu

One tool critical to such strategies is customer-based insight. Many businesses have some kind of Voice of the Customer program to gather insight from customers. There are three primary goals for such a program:

Gain customer input.

Learn the customer’s perspective on the future business environment and their most pressing needs. This brings insights about product innovation, critical services, trends, and more. These insights can help you get ahead of opportunities and strengthen your value. The key is to keep looking forward, rather than focusing on past performance.

We’ve all had “Duh!” moments—when an insight that should have been obvious was overlooked. One of my Duh! moments (and I admit to many) occurred in a company I was running some time ago, when we faced major challenges keeping up as our customers expanded globally. The Duh! moment came when a colleague asked, “Have we ever asked our customers about their expansion plans?” We started to do so, and the problem never resurfaced.

Effective listening doesn’t stop with direct customers. It’s necessary to listen to all of their customers. Pay attention to the entire customer chain: the path that leads from your customers all the way to the final users of their products. Perspectives vary at each stage, with implications that ripple backwards and forwards. Remarkable insights can be gained simply by asking customers at each stage what they would like to know about the other stages.

Learn what makes a best-in-class supplier.

Identify the metrics customers use to evaluate their suppliers, then develop internal action plans to meet those targets. Blue Canyon Partners identified three clusters where such metrics are concentrated: relationships between suppliers and customers, the suppliers’ ability to meet customers’ expectations, and suppliers’ ability to deliver high-value innovations.

Two things make this a challenge: First, while the three metrics clusters almost always apply, actions to be implemented differ from one customer to the next. Customize your program to gain insights about individual customers. Amalgamated data can yield an outcome that is right on average, but missing the mark with each individual customer.

Second, it takes insights from many people to get an overall picture. A customer’s perspective is shaped by the experiences of many people: designers, engineers, salespeople, and so on. Rarely does any individual know all the details relevant to every dimension of the supplier’s relationship with their company. It takes a lot of listening to understand what matters to a major customer, but that effort is required if a solid portrait is to be developed.

Fix what’s important to the customer.

Too often, this is the only goal addressed by the Voice of the Customer program. It is important, but is third in terms of long-term impact. It requires focusing on what can be improved along all the dimensions of customer interaction. There are three keys to doing this without focusing on the past:

First, topics should only be brought up after discussions about the future environment and the characteristics of best-in-class suppliers have been completed.

Second, distinguish between generic wishes for “better” and situations in which current performance is bad compared to competitors or a meaningful benchmark.

Third, learn whether customers will reward a supplier for improvements in metrics where they say they want “better.”

Select a few targets in which to invest management attention. Narrow the focus to action plans where improvement will provide a payoff. Learn what the customer would do differently if a certain change were made. If the answer is “nothing,” then the change should be reconsidered. On the other hand, if the customer can explain with clarity how the change would leave them better off, then the change has the potential to create value for both firms.

George F. Brown Jr., along with Atlee Valentine Pope, is the co-author of CoDestiny: Overcome Your Growth Challenges by Helping Your Customers Overcome Theirs, published by Greenleaf Book Group Press. Brown is also CEO and co-founder of Blue Canyon Partners Inc., a strategy consulting firm.

Do you have expert advice to share? E-mail Kristen.

Support team for elder care needs

By Mark Goldstein

If you were at the chamber Business-Building Lunch in April, you heard me tell how Cathy Crossman and her staff at Transition Options not only helped us find the assisted living facility that best suited my parents, but negotiated with them to save us $1,500 up front and another $800 every month.

Andrejs Pidjass
Fotolia.com

Transition Options has helped not only Rhawnie and I, but also my parents, during their transition into assisted living. I must admit, we were woefully unprepared for the challenges of the past few months. As most of you already know, my mother has Alzheimer’s disease and my father is in very poor health. Cathy and her team have been there for us every step of the way.

When my parents moved, my mother had difficulty adjusting because of the disease. Transition Options gave additional personalized care, and they continue to provide much-needed services, allowing Rhawnie and me to focus more on chamber needs. It’s said that the biggest concern for caregivers ends up being the quality of their mental health. In our case, we are at complete peace knowing we have our “back-up plan” in place with Transition Options.

The bottom line: If you, or anyone you know, are having to care for the ever-increasing needs of your parents and have not already created a “back-up plan,” I strongly and enthusiastically recommend that you contact Cathy Crossman at Transition Options. She will custom-tailor a plan that will meet every care-giving need. You can contact her at 407-629-5233.

If someone has gone “above and beyond” to provide you with outstanding service, please let us know.

Go also the second mile

By Mark Goldstein

Kotangens - Fotolia.com

I’ve been trying to help my mother and father through their transition into assisted living. They have both reached a point where they need special care in every aspect of their lives. Needless to say, this has put an extra burden on me. Fortunately there are many caring people who are helping greatly.

An example of this happened when I was washing my parent’s car and realized that the registration expired in February. Checking further, I found the insurance had lapsed also. After going online to re-register the car, I immediately called my friend Angie Martinez, principal of Florida Chartered Insurance Group in Oviedo, and explained the situation. She contacted Jacqueline Eiermann, a senior agent who specializes in auto and home insurance.

Within one hour, on a Sunday afternoon, Jacqueline had secured an insurance policy for the car. But here’s the best part: Since my parents had let their insurance lapse, they should have had to pay a large penalty. However, Jacqueline was able to add me to their policy, and the company accepted this as continuous coverage. What’s more, she had already gotten me a quote with that company, and even though I hadn’t switched yet, that company still offered a multi-car discount. Talk about going the extra mile for a client!

The bottom line is that when you approach the renewal date on your home or auto policy, I would strongly recommend that you first contact Jacqueline Eiermann. She will not only get you the best value, but as you can see, she never stops working for her clients. You can reach her at 407-278-0423 or by e-mail.

…and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.—Matt. 5:41 NRSV

Have a great story about one of your fellow chamber members? E-mail Kristen.

A Culture of Trust Boosts Employee Performance

If employees don’t trust a company’s leaders, they won’t feel safe—and when they don’t feel safe, they spend all their creative energy covering their -- selves. They don’t take risks. And where there is no risk, there is less innovation and less “going the extra mile.”

John Hamm, author of Unusually Excellent, says “Without trust, people respond with distraction, fear, or paralysis.” This produces behaviors like sandbagging quotas, hedging on goals, and avoiding commitment.”

He says leaders become trustworthy by building a track record of honesty, fairness, and integrity. Cultivating trust isn’t just a moral issue; it’s a practical one. Most employees have been hurt or disappointed at some point in their careers by a leader. That’s why leaders are often in “negative trust territory” from the start.

Hamm offers these tips on building trust:

Model trustworthiness. This doesn’t mean you must be warm and personable if that’s not your personality. On the contrary, many trustworthy people can be harsh, tough, or socially awkward. But promises must be inviolate and decisions fair. People who can be trusted are more likely to gain the respect of others than the nicest guy in the room, says Hamm. “You can be authentically whoever you really are. As long as you are fair, as long as you do what you say consistently, you will still be trusted.”

Reveal vulnerability. Allow others to see authentic (not fabricated) weakness or emotion. This helps people relate to one another.

Be transparent. Tell the truth, match your actions with your words, and match those words with the truth we all see in the world: no spin, no justifications, no revisionist history.

Allow good failures. Hamm says punishing failure is one of the stupidest things organizations do, and it happens all the time. “Good failure” is a term used in Silicon Valley to describe a business or initiative that is well planned, well run, and well organized—yet for reasons beyond its control, fails. Good failures occur when you play well but lose. Punishing employees for good failures instills a fear of risk-taking, and stifles innovation.

Instead, says Hamm, strive for a “digital camera” culture. There is no expense associated with an imperfect digital photograph. Just hit delete, and it disappears. No wasted film. So people take many more digital photos than they would with film. If failure is “free,” we take chances, and can get that one amazing picture that we wouldn’t have if we were paying for all the mistakes.

Allow people to bring bad news. Shooting the messenger results in messengers who won’t bring the information you need. They’ll protect their -- selves. Instill confidence that leaders value facts, truth, and speed of delivery over judgments of good or bad.

Beware shortcuts. When victory or failure is in sight, there is a vulnerability to abandoning values in the name of expediency. That can set a precedent and lead to corner-cutting even in operations that aren’t at a critical stage. Plus, when employees see you betraying your values, they see you as less trustworthy.

Recognize whom to coach and whom to let go. You cannot “fix” a thief, a pathological liar, or a con artist. “There are three failure modes that I will decline to coach: integrity, commitment, and chronic selfishness—manipulating outcomes for individual gain,” says Hamm. These are character traits, not matters of knowledge.

But that doesn’t mean we can doubt or distrust someone because their performance disappoints, he adds. “Performance problems should be managed fairly and with little judgment of the person’s character, unless that is the root of the trouble.”

 “Everyone fails to achieve perfection,” Hamm says. So a leader’s goal is to make wrong choices rarely; admit them quickly, completely, and with humility; fix them quickly; and make full recompense when possible.

In a working environment of trust, Hamm says, teams stay focused, give their utmost effort, and do their best work.”

Do you have expert advice to share? E-mail Kristen.

Doing your brother’s dishes

The principles of the office kitchen are well-known:

• Don’t eat other people’s food.
• Clean up after yourself.
• When you take the last cup of coffee, make another pot.

Michal Zacharzewski | stock.xchng

They are also widely violated. Someone working late will “borrow” a sandwich or soda to get through the evening. Someone late for a meeting will leave dirty dishes in the sink. And someone who thinks she’s the only one who could possibly be drinking coffee at this time of the afternoon will leave an empty pot for that fella who’s working late.

Any time one of these things happens, it spurs a round of grousing and, often, a terse e-mail from the human resources department about respecting the kitchen rules.

But a servant mindset allows us to take things to another level.

What if, upon finding our soda missing, we said a prayer for the one who was so desperate (or absent-minded) to have taken it?

What if, on finding dirty dishes in the sink, we were to wash and dry them so the owner finds them clean on his return?

What if, when two cups of coffee are left in a 12-cup pot, you put in enough grounds and water for 10 cups? (Or, if it’s really late in the afternoon, just 4 or 5 cups.)

Jesus was called to serve, and so are we. It's tempting to vent our anger when someone violates the kitchen rules. But preserving relationships with our co-workers is more important than venting anger, which does not bring about the righteous life God desires (James 1:20). A servantlike approach redirects our anger into service for others. And that, in the long run, is much more satisfying.

Every manager should read this book

How Full is Your Bucket? by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton, is based on the simple metaphor of a bucket and a dipper. Each of us has a bucket that is continually filled or drained by our interactions with other people. Positive encounters fill us up, and negative encounters drain us.

Among the authors' key points:

• The Number One reason people leave their jobs is they don't feel appreciated.
• Praise must be meaningful and specific.
• Recognition is most appreciated and effective when it is individualized, specific, and deserved.
• We are at our best when our buckets are full, and at our worst when they are empty.
• Every interaction is an opportunity to fill someone's bucket — or drain it.
• When we fill other people's buckets, we simultaneously fill our own.

Like parents who focus on the F's on a report card rather than the A's, many managers focus on critiquing weaknesses rather than developing strengths.

Mind you, it's not possible to simply offer groundless praise. As the authors note, "positivity must be grounded in reality." They cite the pointlessness of "Employee of the Month" programs, because inevitably — in the interests of "fairness" — every employee gets one. I've also seen workplaces where the award just moves about between a select few high performers, which may be more honest but doesn't do anything to lift up the mid-level performers.

Every worker has room for improvement. But consider a method used by many writers' groups, including the one I belong to. It's called the "sandwich method," though being a bookish person, I prefer to think of it as bookends.

Start with a genuine compliment, then give constructive feedback on what needs fixing, then end with more praise for strong points. Employees, like students, and writers, need to build on their strengths in addition to improving their weaknesses.

Individualization is important, because while one worker may appreciate a plaque to hang on the wall, another might prefer some extra time off to spend with family. To aid in this, the book includes a "Bucket Filling Interview," which can help managers learn about what really motivates each employee.

How Full is Your Bucket? will not only help managers encourage employees, it will help anyone see where they've been missing opportunities to fill other people's buckets.

Fellowship Friday

Tomorrow we will meet at the Panera Bread at The Mall of Millenia, 4200 Conroy Road in Orlando. This is not a typical "networking" meeting. We develop and nurture relationships, share ideas, and help each other with challenges. Our motto is "Bring your challenges - not your leads."

Tomorrow, we'll talk about how to make a facilitated introduction.

We meet from 7:30 a.m. until the last person leaves. If you have any questions, call Mark at (407) 484-3899